What Couples Can (and Can’t) Expect of Their Wedding Party

What Couples Can (and Can’t) Expect of Their Wedding Party

Asking someone to be in your wedding party is one of the highest honors you can bestow on a friend or family member. It’s a public declaration that says, “You are one of my favorite people on Earth.”

However, the line between “honored guest” and “unpaid employee” can easily blur. With the rise of destination bachelor parties and elaborate “proposal boxes,” the pressure on bridesmaids and groomsmen has never been higher.

To help you navigate this delicate balance and preserve your relationships long after the cake is cut, here is the definitive guide on what you reasonably can and cannot expect from your wedding party.

What You CAN Expect (The Reasonable Requests)

These are the standard duties that come with the title. If your VIPs accept the role, they are implicitly agreeing to these responsibilities.

1. To Buy Specific Attire

It is standard etiquette for bridesmaids and groomsmen to pay for their own outfits.

• The Expectation: You choose the dress, suit, or color palette, and they purchase it.
• The Caveat: Be mindful of their budgets. If you demand a $500 designer gown or a custom tuxedo, you risk alienation. A growing trend is the “mismatched” look-assigning a color (e.g., sage green) and letting them choose a style that fits their body and wallet.

2. To Attend Key Pre-Wedding Events

Being in the wedding party is a time commitment. You can expect them to make a genuine effort to attend:

• The Engagement Party
• The Bachelor/Bachelorette Party
• The Bridal Shower
• Mandatory: The Wedding Rehearsal and Rehearsal Dinner.

3. Day-Of “Hype Squad” Duties

On the wedding day, they are your lieutenants. You can rely on them to:

• Keep the energy up: Be the first ones on the dance floor.
• Run interference: Shield you from minor logistical hiccups (like a missing vendor).
• Physical help: Hold the bouquet, adjust the veil, bustle the dress, or round up family members for photos.

4. Emotional Support

Planning a wedding is stressful. You can expect your party to be a sounding board when you are overwhelmed, to listen to your vents, and to hype you up when you’re feeling unsure.

What You CAN’T Expect (The “Bridezilla” Zone)

These requests often lead to resentment, drama, and ended friendships. Avoid them at all costs.

1. Unlimited Financial Resources

You cannot expect your friends to go into debt for your wedding.

• The Reality: If you want a destination bachelorette week in Paris or Bali, you must accept that not everyone can afford to go.
• The Rule: Be transparent about costs before they accept the role. If a requirement is out of budget, either you subsidize it, or you let them opt out gracefully.

2. Physical Alterations

This is a strict boundary. You cannot ask anyone to:

• Lose weight.
• Dye or cut their hair.
• Cover up tattoos (unless you provide the makeup or clothing to do so non-invasively).
• Remove piercings.
• Why: You asked them to be in your wedding because you love them, not because you want props for your photos.

3. Professional Vendor Duties

Your college roommate might own a nice camera, and your cousin might love arranging flowers, but you cannot expect them to work your wedding for free.

• The Distinction: Asking a bridesmaid to help seal envelopes is fine. Asking her to arrange floral centerpieces for 20 tables on the morning of the wedding is unpaid labor. Let them be guests, not staff.

4. 24/7 Availability

Your wedding is the most important thing in your life right now, but it is likely not the most important thing in theirs. They have jobs, partners, children, and struggles of their own. Expecting immediate replies to texts or weekend-long crafting sessions every month is unrealistic.

The Grey Areas: Communication is Key

Plus-Ones

While you have the final say on the guest list, it is generally considered rude to deny a “plus-one” to a member of the wedding party, especially if they are in a long-term relationship. They are dedicating significant time and money to your day; allowing them to bring their partner is a gracious “thank you.”

The Gift

Should the wedding party give a gift? Technically, etiquette says yes. However, many modern couples explicitly tell their party that their presence and expenses (attire, travel) are the gift. If you do expect a gift, be gracious if it is modest.

Final Thoughts

The best weddings are filled with joy, not obligation. If you are ever unsure if a request is “too much,” simply ask yourself: “Would I be happy doing this for them?”

Prioritize your relationships over your aesthetic, and you will have a wedding party that supports you enthusiastically-not just because they have to, but because they want to.

Planning your own entourage? Check out Portal Kahwin here